While he cooks..

As i write this my husband of 4 months is chopping coriander in the kitchen. We had gone together for our evening exercise an hour back. As i cycled he ran alongside yelling behind me to take the "right" turns. He complained as we got in that we barely exercised and if we did, it was for measly 30 minutes.

He quenched his thirst with the juice of the most nutritious berry(apparently) found on earth (acai) minutes back. Sitting on the laptop, the thought of eating "hara bhara kababs" started growing on him. To my amazement, he found the recipe and as i write he is involved in blanching(-the meaning of which he did not know 5mins ago) spinach.

Tarla Dalal, Sanjeev Kapoor and the others have done brilliantly by publishing their recipes online and making it available to novices, amateurs, those who want to try something "interesting", those that want try something new or those like my husband who ride on their fancies. Methinks though, that by serving the last of those categories they did no justice to me and wives elsewhere who will have leftovers in their fridge cos the husband wants Biryani and we had made cous cous ;)

Not that handsome guy

A couple of years back or so it seems i went to a party..one thrown for the most inane reasons- 2 of my friends had hooked up. Anyway so long as you get to dress up and a free bite. We were in college then, we went to Nirulas, ordered some good ole thin capsicum-onion pizza and a smoothie. There were 10 of us and then there was this average, reticent type guy sitting across from me.

We must have said only a couple of word to each other, or may be nodded, a few furtive glances, but then thats all. Serendipity is what brought us together. A couple of text messages misdirected and we got talking actually texting, but thats only semantically different. From "best of luck" for exams to "i have been thinking of you" took an eon; but we became friends. We had our rendezvous but things were limited to the cell. It' like in those old hindi movies where the man and his beloved meet each other in parks and terraces and sing "achha to hum chalte hain, fir kab miloge, jab tum kahoge, aadhi raat ko hmmm mm and so on...". This is pretty old fashioned, comparing this is contemporaneous to the widespread use of cell phones. But then i am an old fashioned gal.

Anyway so we went out the first time, he was in an olive green t-shirt and i was in a red faux leather jacket. Again we went to Nirulas. The gist is that we went out, didn't kiss, talked about some boring stuff and got back to the hostel. We are three friends, then in different colleges(now in different continents). At about the same time in our lives some men had entered. We were doing this whole description thing for each other of the respective men. I remember, distinctly, that i narrated how he looked and concluding with the following words:

He is not really that good looking, like those handsome types

Little did i know that i would be writing this 8 years hence, that "not that handsome guy" would be the guy i married.

Phase I over

I arrived in US in December of 2009. I got married in Dec of 2009. In a period of 28 days my life transformed. It was like entering a very long tunnel and exiting the other side with a feeling that the world has changed in the span of those few minutes you were in. I was in a state of flux just days before and precisely 15 days after. In between changing outfits for the numerous dos, sessions at the parlor, lunches & dinners at my husbands family i think i lost touch with whats reality.

And reality my friends is that 15 days later there's not even a chance of invitation to a dinner. I gotta cook myself-yep, and not just dinner pretty much all meals and snacks if me or my hubby are hungry or we're entertaining. So, after arriving here i am to see the United States of America. What's there to see:-long & wide roads, small mountains, walmart, ikea & the likes. Nature is almost befitting the landscape, it seems manicured as if it went to a nail spa which are many in this country.

Yeah, so with wide eyes i am seeing, then they take to me a lake-this is a place which people visit often if they are in the bay area(this is the place i live now). Bay area has many cities, surprisingly they are not part of a city like in India, where we'd call them areas perhaps. And yeah market is called down town. Taps open in the other direction, same for locks and traffic is bizarre- the platform 9 & 3 qtrs doesn't seem so weird to me.

He( my husband) suggested i start driving, which will help me survive,which in fact is true. In India if you want to survive you'd prefer to stay off the road(extreme situation). But unlike India(well not politically) i had to a write a test, after reading a 100 page book n all. After flunking the test once i got the 'instruction permit'. After which i did not go behind the wheel until a month later, just yesterday!

It was my childhood dream to visit Disneyland, that's what America meant to me. Thus he said let's. Believe it or not that's what they call it too-"the land where dreams come true", synonymous to US. By this time people i meet ask me polite questions about how i pass time and in consolatory tone let me know "that's ok" and "that much time you take to adjust", stuff i already know and i guess they know i don't wanna hear.

A couple of weeks later, by now it's valentine's day and 6 weeks after my arrival in this country. I decide to gift him something-with experienced cooking skills n familiarity with American stores i think a cake is opportune. Little did i know that cake mixes are sold by the dozen and after making one i can tell you they are phenomenal (tried Duncan Hines-Devil's food cake). We also decide to go to Vegas, by the by; around this time people have already started exasperatedly asking me the same question "how do you pass time". I think i should come up with a wittier reply, like may be i have started smoking, or i can now count up to a million stars on a clear night. At least it will get the conversation going somewhere interesting. My answers remains the same and so do their quintessential responses. Anyway, so Vegas is a place which breeds debauchery and they tell me it spoils. But i am ready to be spoilt and get outta my house at any given chance, which happens to be weekends only in the company of my beloved.

So Vegas is a 3 night and 4 day road trip for me and him. This was his 4th trip, and he kept tutoring me on where everything is as if bay area isn't enough for that. But then that' what attentive husbands are for, i suppose. We gambled and clubbed in Vegas, i gaped at the grand canyon and tirelessly walked across death valley. After 4 days there i have come back to where i was, have seen more of this country and have some more topics to talk about.

Until now, he and i used to fight rarely, now we fight more often-i want to blame it on vegas but truthfully vegas has only humbled me (shown me how much more money is needed, before i can hit those tables again). I can talk to some people who've been around, about some common grounds we have toured. Despite this feat in a strange country with new people, i still can't chat with my mother in law.It's hard to broach a subject and am constantly answering or asking about the weather. Thanks so much for that!

You Are The One In My Life

The title of this blog could have been anything- there were many topics that I had in mind. The short listed ones were- The men in my life, The man in my life, a few others and obviously the one which is actually the title now. The first one would have been difficult considering that there are only few men in my life, so it would have been an overstatement. The other one would have been a minimalistic view of the one now. So, this one is the balanced one, in tune with my feelings, well balanced or proportioned.

But, is proportionate the word which should be used with love? Is it not in itself a contradiction to the heading of my blog? So, to the man in my life all I want to say is that he’s the one in my life. I have been difficult in the last few days. I have cried thinking of him, of the things that I dislike about him, the things that this current situation is demanding of me. I expect him to understand me, but I do not want him to understand me. I want him to love me and i want him to know that I love him.

I fell in love with him over a shared interest of pao bhaji and the fact that he had a bike! I am grateful to him; for all these years he has taken care of me when I have fallen ill. I have found him there for me whenever i had exam centres all over Delhi or i have had weird cravings for fanciful food. He’s the one person who I miss when I go out with the others. The comparison between him and any other is easy-he’s the one I will want at the end of the day.

He may not be the person I want but there is no other man that I want- today, tomorrow or ever.
Ich liebe dich und werden Sie immer. Verzeihen Sie mir für Sein selbst manchmal.

Picnicking

In a long time I have not written about affairs diurnal but today was a memorable day. What was today: a great sunny day with mom dad and neighbours et al. What did we do, you ask, we went for a picnic. It’s such a joy to return to childhood with all the adult toys of-course. My digital camera helped me capture some great moments.

me at the keel
We went on a steamer sailing in the Yamuna for the entire day. It was a great day. This I say not for myself, but for cinema which without being Indian still reeks of Indianness. Slumdog Millionaire won 8 Oscars and literally swept all audience at the Kodak theatre off their feet. I woke up at 7:00 am and watched the entire show with zeal as if I would be betraying my Indian citizenship if I didn’t root for slumdog. Well so I did. And up until the show got over despite my mother’s warnings I saw and cheered. After which I got ready and helped her pack the basket of goodies- pakoras, cashews, chutneys, peanuts, lotus seeds, grapes, papaya, rabris, napkins, n sweets.

We spent the entire day on the boat. We played housie and we ate. With the help of a strategically placed wooden board we would board the boat and alight from it. A lil boy taught me how to throw a pebble in the water so that it jumps about 2-3 times before finally sinking. Boy! it was a fantastic day!!

everybody

4Ps of SEX

For the uninitiated 4Ps is product, price, place and promotion. These, my friends, are the most important tenets of tactical marketing a marketer would swear by. Under no circumstances is one in the field of marketing ever supposed to forget either the number or the associated concept!

Not that I am Vatsyayan or as far as I know he was any one of my ancestors, many of my friends think that I should share my views on sex. Not in the same way as I think about it but as they suggested time and again. For example, the whole “women pay sex as the price for marriage and men pay marriage as the price for sex” or several other mundane topics. Nonetheless since sex is essential and also always a topic for discussion at least twice in one second in some part of the world it deserves a few words. I am going to pen my few words through a marketer’s eye and I think this 4 word marketing concept will help me analyse this 3 letter word aptly.

Hence I begin with the product itself, sex: is the act between, well since Adam and Eve it was meant to be between a man and woman but then came along the Greeks and homosexuality was ok too, two people. It is the most intimate act between two people, essentially to procreate but also for entertainment, satisfaction and a host of other emotions not all honourable.

It’s no wonder then that Avril Lavigne sang:
He was a boy, she was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?

The product is accessorised too. There are paraphernalia to protect, to get things up, to get things down, to get things going and more. The product is sold and not just as it is but on tapes and online, it is sold as pornography across the world and is a lucrative business. The product was meant to bring two people together so that they could connect on all levels- physical and sublime. It was meant to be an act between a man and woman (I will keep it simple by considering its only one form- between a man and a woman) which could lead them to appreciate each other better. Aside of that it was meant to excite and bring to rest those hormones which raged in our bodies. The product has attractive packaging- if you know what I mean!

The price as axiomatically said is marriage. Of-course you could actually go to the market and buy it. This is not a cheap commodity though and is illegal in most countries in almost all continents! In my opinion the price for sex between consulting adults or just experimenting teenagers is built into the endless cell phone recharges, roses, chocolates, assignments done, combined studies, free rides, dinners, drinks, movies, pit-less cups of coffee. There’s also after-sales service, may be this is the only product for which both parties pay the price. Now, I might sound sexist or traditionalist or both, but I think in the end women pay more of a price than men for this act with or without the marriage.

Place for sex? You would be surprised that islands like Maldives are thriving not because of their scenic beauty but the millions of honeymooners flocking there for the sex amidst the scenic beauty. Same for many island countries and if the exact tourism garnered by honeymooners or by those with a quenchless thirst for “doing it” in exotic locations was estimated I believe it would have to be at least a one-fourth of the entire touring population. The act for most people happens in a bed but the options touted to make it more innovative are gazillions- from the pool table to the trial rooms in crowded stores.

Sex has not needed much promotion but in the last few decades magazines like Cosmopolitan, Penthouse, and Playboy and all other sorts have promoted it in small measures. Men buying lingerie for women and women wearing boxers, both sexy moves I think, can be accredited to nobody but these amazing books.

I have not answered any cosmic queries about sex or expressed my views about teen sex or anything but I do think we should be able to discuss it more and not in the hush tones as we do now. Alas, this would only spoil much of the fun in talking about it…

Coming of Age

Darwin said we have evolved from a monkey. Fossils of our ancestors were found in Africa. So, let Darwin say anything about our evolution from apes-where are we in the race of evolution now?

In our million years of our existence we have grown physically and mentally, or so is believed.Plato in philosophy and Einstein in science made the world aware of various theories and contributed to the growth in the homo sapien's intellect. Centuries have made a difference to our IQs and EQs and made our lives simpler to live. Does so many years on the planet mean that we have matured as people and we understand each other better? We understand Moon, Mars, and Menopause better but do we understand emotions better?

Is this a given that maturity ∞ age or is this a myth. In the Hindi movie Cheeni Kum the little girl handles her illness much better than several people much older to her can. But then the counter argument can be that she is only a fictional character. There could be no truth to her character. So, let us propose a hypothesis that maturity is proportional to age. So, if there was a linear relation between them it would look like this:

Maturity = K*Age where k is a constant.

This hypothesis could be proved under a 95% confidence limit. But, there could be a difficulty proving such thing because of the qualitative nature of the variables involved. So much for the math then!

Maturity is something which makes me sensible, controls my anger when i should not be angry, demands professionalism from me, makes me amiable to people, makes me conduct myself in public, makes life easier for me and people around me. All this and more is MATURITY-it's somewhat different from sensibility cos it helps me distinguish between just that and insensibility.

There are not many people I know who are young, like younger than 18yrs of age, and mature.Also, I have met loads of people who are older but an ounce of maturity is missing in them. I am not putting an age, crossing which people should become mature. Till when am i supposed to put up with those people but; who are immature. I want to put an age limit till which i ought to tolerate immaturity. Else wouldn't i be suffering from something that i have tried not to become myself? It will defeat the whole purpose of my ancestors who tried to figure out if earth went round the sun or sun did that for us..