You Are The One In My Life

The title of this blog could have been anything- there were many topics that I had in mind. The short listed ones were- The men in my life, The man in my life, a few others and obviously the one which is actually the title now. The first one would have been difficult considering that there are only few men in my life, so it would have been an overstatement. The other one would have been a minimalistic view of the one now. So, this one is the balanced one, in tune with my feelings, well balanced or proportioned.

But, is proportionate the word which should be used with love? Is it not in itself a contradiction to the heading of my blog? So, to the man in my life all I want to say is that he’s the one in my life. I have been difficult in the last few days. I have cried thinking of him, of the things that I dislike about him, the things that this current situation is demanding of me. I expect him to understand me, but I do not want him to understand me. I want him to love me and i want him to know that I love him.

I fell in love with him over a shared interest of pao bhaji and the fact that he had a bike! I am grateful to him; for all these years he has taken care of me when I have fallen ill. I have found him there for me whenever i had exam centres all over Delhi or i have had weird cravings for fanciful food. He’s the one person who I miss when I go out with the others. The comparison between him and any other is easy-he’s the one I will want at the end of the day.

He may not be the person I want but there is no other man that I want- today, tomorrow or ever.
Ich liebe dich und werden Sie immer. Verzeihen Sie mir für Sein selbst manchmal.

Picnicking

In a long time I have not written about affairs diurnal but today was a memorable day. What was today: a great sunny day with mom dad and neighbours et al. What did we do, you ask, we went for a picnic. It’s such a joy to return to childhood with all the adult toys of-course. My digital camera helped me capture some great moments.

me at the keel
We went on a steamer sailing in the Yamuna for the entire day. It was a great day. This I say not for myself, but for cinema which without being Indian still reeks of Indianness. Slumdog Millionaire won 8 Oscars and literally swept all audience at the Kodak theatre off their feet. I woke up at 7:00 am and watched the entire show with zeal as if I would be betraying my Indian citizenship if I didn’t root for slumdog. Well so I did. And up until the show got over despite my mother’s warnings I saw and cheered. After which I got ready and helped her pack the basket of goodies- pakoras, cashews, chutneys, peanuts, lotus seeds, grapes, papaya, rabris, napkins, n sweets.

We spent the entire day on the boat. We played housie and we ate. With the help of a strategically placed wooden board we would board the boat and alight from it. A lil boy taught me how to throw a pebble in the water so that it jumps about 2-3 times before finally sinking. Boy! it was a fantastic day!!

everybody

4Ps of SEX

For the uninitiated 4Ps is product, price, place and promotion. These, my friends, are the most important tenets of tactical marketing a marketer would swear by. Under no circumstances is one in the field of marketing ever supposed to forget either the number or the associated concept!

Not that I am Vatsyayan or as far as I know he was any one of my ancestors, many of my friends think that I should share my views on sex. Not in the same way as I think about it but as they suggested time and again. For example, the whole “women pay sex as the price for marriage and men pay marriage as the price for sex” or several other mundane topics. Nonetheless since sex is essential and also always a topic for discussion at least twice in one second in some part of the world it deserves a few words. I am going to pen my few words through a marketer’s eye and I think this 4 word marketing concept will help me analyse this 3 letter word aptly.

Hence I begin with the product itself, sex: is the act between, well since Adam and Eve it was meant to be between a man and woman but then came along the Greeks and homosexuality was ok too, two people. It is the most intimate act between two people, essentially to procreate but also for entertainment, satisfaction and a host of other emotions not all honourable.

It’s no wonder then that Avril Lavigne sang:
He was a boy, she was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?

The product is accessorised too. There are paraphernalia to protect, to get things up, to get things down, to get things going and more. The product is sold and not just as it is but on tapes and online, it is sold as pornography across the world and is a lucrative business. The product was meant to bring two people together so that they could connect on all levels- physical and sublime. It was meant to be an act between a man and woman (I will keep it simple by considering its only one form- between a man and a woman) which could lead them to appreciate each other better. Aside of that it was meant to excite and bring to rest those hormones which raged in our bodies. The product has attractive packaging- if you know what I mean!

The price as axiomatically said is marriage. Of-course you could actually go to the market and buy it. This is not a cheap commodity though and is illegal in most countries in almost all continents! In my opinion the price for sex between consulting adults or just experimenting teenagers is built into the endless cell phone recharges, roses, chocolates, assignments done, combined studies, free rides, dinners, drinks, movies, pit-less cups of coffee. There’s also after-sales service, may be this is the only product for which both parties pay the price. Now, I might sound sexist or traditionalist or both, but I think in the end women pay more of a price than men for this act with or without the marriage.

Place for sex? You would be surprised that islands like Maldives are thriving not because of their scenic beauty but the millions of honeymooners flocking there for the sex amidst the scenic beauty. Same for many island countries and if the exact tourism garnered by honeymooners or by those with a quenchless thirst for “doing it” in exotic locations was estimated I believe it would have to be at least a one-fourth of the entire touring population. The act for most people happens in a bed but the options touted to make it more innovative are gazillions- from the pool table to the trial rooms in crowded stores.

Sex has not needed much promotion but in the last few decades magazines like Cosmopolitan, Penthouse, and Playboy and all other sorts have promoted it in small measures. Men buying lingerie for women and women wearing boxers, both sexy moves I think, can be accredited to nobody but these amazing books.

I have not answered any cosmic queries about sex or expressed my views about teen sex or anything but I do think we should be able to discuss it more and not in the hush tones as we do now. Alas, this would only spoil much of the fun in talking about it…

Coming of Age

Darwin said we have evolved from a monkey. Fossils of our ancestors were found in Africa. So, let Darwin say anything about our evolution from apes-where are we in the race of evolution now?

In our million years of our existence we have grown physically and mentally, or so is believed.Plato in philosophy and Einstein in science made the world aware of various theories and contributed to the growth in the homo sapien's intellect. Centuries have made a difference to our IQs and EQs and made our lives simpler to live. Does so many years on the planet mean that we have matured as people and we understand each other better? We understand Moon, Mars, and Menopause better but do we understand emotions better?

Is this a given that maturity ∞ age or is this a myth. In the Hindi movie Cheeni Kum the little girl handles her illness much better than several people much older to her can. But then the counter argument can be that she is only a fictional character. There could be no truth to her character. So, let us propose a hypothesis that maturity is proportional to age. So, if there was a linear relation between them it would look like this:

Maturity = K*Age where k is a constant.

This hypothesis could be proved under a 95% confidence limit. But, there could be a difficulty proving such thing because of the qualitative nature of the variables involved. So much for the math then!

Maturity is something which makes me sensible, controls my anger when i should not be angry, demands professionalism from me, makes me amiable to people, makes me conduct myself in public, makes life easier for me and people around me. All this and more is MATURITY-it's somewhat different from sensibility cos it helps me distinguish between just that and insensibility.

There are not many people I know who are young, like younger than 18yrs of age, and mature.Also, I have met loads of people who are older but an ounce of maturity is missing in them. I am not putting an age, crossing which people should become mature. Till when am i supposed to put up with those people but; who are immature. I want to put an age limit till which i ought to tolerate immaturity. Else wouldn't i be suffering from something that i have tried not to become myself? It will defeat the whole purpose of my ancestors who tried to figure out if earth went round the sun or sun did that for us..

World Peace

I recently turned to vegetarianism to show my concern for world peace. Its just one of the "isms" that i thought would help me contribute to world peace. This action was spurred not by terrorist attacks in Mumbai or the swearing in of Barack Obama. This started much earlier than that. Also strangely it coincided with my mom also quitting non-veg food. Her reasons may have been religious unlike mine but all the same both of us believed that the paths to our salvation lay in vegetarianism.

My idiosyncrasies were guided by lots of things, which i believed were the signs sent from the lord almighty himself. A movie, a professor, my sister, and a couple of more things that led me in the direction of vegetarianism. None of these reasons are spiritual, I don't know what brought it in me but i did it anyway. Somewhere, I read: Peace like Charity begins at home, so I did the right thing, perhaps.

Now, world peace means less terrorism, fewer border patrol, concern for humanity, saving of the rain forests, women rights, respect for individuals, tolerance for religions, equality for all, love for mankind. My little gesture is far from all this but doesn't that show that i care? Doesn't that show it makes a difference to me that i espouse the cause of all those noble laureates who win it for world peace. It is very hard to sit across a person relish the food you have eaten once but dare not touch again, lest it lure you back into the other "ism".

Why is that then that people think they should buy me out of finding my own salvation. Someone cooks meat specially for me, but wouldn't eating that mean that i give up on a belief that somethings can be changed? I do not think i can persuade anybody to stop killing, plus it would mean me persuading the butcher to stop earning his means of livelihood. Can i do that, should i do that? The answer to the latter may be yes but to the former may be not. I mean it would be as sinuous as asking the king to adopt a hermit's way just so you could inherit his wealth.

A friend says people wouldn't understand so i should stop trying; but have I tried everything that i could till now, that i should give it up? A question which sways me between "v-ism" and "nv-ism" . Or is it enough to say that

One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal

Alone in a crowd

एक रोज़ ज़िन्दगी के रूबरू आ बैठे
ज़िन्दगी ने पूछा - दर्द क्या है? क्यूँ होता है?कहाँ होता है?
यह भी तो पता नहीं चलता:
तन्हाई क्या है आखिर?
इतने लोग तो हैं ; फिर तनहा क्यूँ हो?
मेरा चेहरा देख कर ज़िन्दगी ने कहा:
मैं तुम्हारी जुड़वां हूँ मुझसे नाराज़ ना हुआ करो


If i was to wonder if these lines were true then is it true that we are alone despite the fact that we are surrounded by people? The truth is oft I have wondered and it is true that being alone is not a physical state of being but more a mental one. I was in a bus and i counted there were another 44 people in it but i was more at peace with my thoughts than i am when i am in a room with 44 cubic meters of space. I am besides myself wondering what to do next; who to do it with when i have so many around me. I am upset with myself when there are so many with more grievous sorrows or so many to alleviate that sorrow..

The who,where,when,why of misery cannot be answered or answered articulately at least. The answers to questions asked lie in the realm enveloped in greyness. My sadness is linked to not one problem but many. Solitude cannot be a solution to problems cos it is part of the problem itself.

When i say "it hurts" exactly what hurts? If you want to retort with an enthusiastic "heart".I'd say no. A mild heart attack cannot be easily distinguished when it really should hurt. It is diagnosed by sweat and myriad other symptoms then what is it that actually hurts? What is it that brings tears to my eyes. Could endorphins and nerve impulses and brain waves be the explanation. Every night the stud in my ear lobe causes me pain but i sleep with it. But i cannot sleep when i have heard bitter words, when i have failed, when i have fought.

I am alone and morose but both are manifestations of my own psychology and and no one but myself can cheer me up. And regrets from my life will not be entertained by life cos i think it is on my side!

Love, Hate, Anger, Friendship

Of these several emotions can you feel all of them at the same time? The last one is not an emotion really but have you felt all of them for a friend or towards a friend. I am in that state of being where I can feel numbness. It is the numbness brought about by the lack of doing anything, arising from a state of joblessness- literally and metaphorically.

The first three are all powerful emotions and the last one a long lasting bond. But i think they are linked together. If each of them was a person with a body, limbs, head and soul they would be different personalities. The underlying commonality would then be the presence of a soul in those four bodies. Whats is a human being after all without a soul. All people have felt these emotions. To love, to hate, to be mad makes you a person, otherwise you would be listless. To hate love with utmost anger or to love without hate and anger is a transition from adolescence to adulthood. Maybe the reverse.

I know not which emotion i am in the throes of now but if i could test on a chromatographic paper there would be shades of all the above feelings. Does everybody find it hard to call somebody a friend? Does nobody think that friendship is hard. I don't know if i have felt this way all the time but now i feel this way all the time. Its been a difficult time for me. Not as difficult as somebody with cancer, stents, angioplasty, chemotherapy, or cerebral palsy; but difficult none the less. And the reason probably is love, hate, anger and friendship

Friendship is tricky. I have a few friends but I am surrounded by friendship which is hollow, profound, weak, strong, respectable, dubious, and all other sorts and i cant categorize mine. Why does it have to take so much to become friends? Is it time that strengthens the ties of friendship or that one connection you made while crossing the street? Is there a determinant for friendship- if it is: is it same for everybody or different for all people or it just sort of depends?

Lyrically:

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that shes been there
Probably been moved on from every place
cos she didnt fit in there

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

Practice maketh a man

And the question is does it? And if it does is it only a man's karma which can be improved. In essence this post isn't about that at all. It is quintessentially about what is a man made of..and a man not a woman. I did not use it as a common noun unlike in the axiom. I met a man today, a friend of mine- a very eligible bachelor and perfect when it comes to treating women-friend, sister or mother.

Now, I am wondering if it is a man's looks, his wit, his pursuit for you, success, wealth, friends, watch, passions, body, humor, caring attitude, just attitude, perfume, aftershave, clothes, shoes, cologne, impeccable manners, chest hair, just hair, style, arrogance, talent, awards, knowledge about women, just knowledge, prowess or his parents..which girl to boy, woman to man.

There was a time that Bryan Adams played in my room and played with the chords in my heart. This was the time that the girlie in me thought no matter what; if a guy sung that or could sing that he would be the one who she would date! What happened later was that I grew up...In that period of growing up I fell in love. I fell in love with a guy, and i do not know the reason at all why that happened and why with him. In retrospect the only thing i can say is that he n i just fit together.

As i have come to appreciate movies like scent of a woman, i have swooned for Al Pacino (Col. Frank Slade)-blind as he was, he still was/is charismatic. I have been woeful about a million other guys. None of this still explains why we like the men we do and what is it that maketh a man.

Practice is what can make some of it ;) But is it that what is attractive about a man? This can be answered with utmost certainty, and the answer is no. I love it for a man to make me laugh, open the door for me, shave for himself and me, cook, the list could be endless but would that be enough? Would it cover each woman's priorities..the answer to that also would be a resounding no.

There is one thing that a woman needs and that is undivided attention and reassurance. All relationships are built on some foundation and "if" once a man could convince a woman that its only her that he wanted: she's pretty much his. If only a man knew..